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Stepping into the newer and different paths of my life...."TURNING 20"

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well i dont know ..
Should i be happy or tensed,telling you all,that its my b'day today and now,i m 20 year old guy or i should say 20 year old big guy who is no longer a teen.

 WOW!! this two digit number "20" is first time appearing like such a big number to me.loads and loads of thoughts beeping here in my mind,lots of questions and as usual,have no one to share it with.so,i thought "why not here?".
what do you think..
should one be happy at this point of life,after which there will be no one to say, "dude,don't do that.Its a big boy thing and you are still a kid". ya,i know a guy of age 17 18 19 is not a kid as well,but who will make these "elder people" to understand that we had grown up for a long time but you all realised it today only.Dont know why,but,as i observed everywhere that when a person turns 20,he in a single day become so big that no one after that be able to say, "dude,dont do that.infact,this silly saying,in just one day take a turn and changes into..you are grown up man now,so i know that you can decide it by yourself..what's right for u and what should you do".Its sometimes sounds like when we turn 20,god himself come to give us our certificate or degree or whatever which says, "now,  this boy is grown up and he is free to do whatever he want ".so,i think that part of turning 20 is good one and should make me happy.

 but when i look at other side,i find alot of responsibilities,alot of hard work,alot of 'bade logo waali' tensions waiting for me.ya,i will no longer be a teen.By this time only,thoughts of "how to get job ,dude? how to earn money and bla bla" have already started striking on my small brain.ya,i still have 2 years of my college life.but still topics concerning job,what should we do after this engg?
                     >>WHAT?WHAT?WHAT?<<
have already started raising between us with this age...i dont know,is it a 20 effect or what? that i have already started thinking so much about all this stuff..
ahh!! seems like a cool part of my life is already taking its last breathe.By now,the only things i have to deal with are resposibilities and all.ya,i know i'm thinking too much no doubt in that,but this is also '20 effect' ,i guess,which is making me sounding like idiotic someone.due to this 20 effect, one more question beeping,again and again,here in my head
                            "what have i done till now?".
aahhh!!! it seem like i didnt even start to live my teenage that it came to end.i guess i spent it,as well, being an innocent kid only...

 . i never touched a cigeratte.yuks.cigeratte really yuks. thank god i never tried it and i have no plan to do it ..in future as well..
. i never tried a beer.actually,i did it once.. shhh..
. i never made a gf.actually,i tried but chance hi nahi diya usne..

 but still,over all if we think ,"what have i done yet,haan?".even,i never get scolding at home where the reason was... i was out with friends and reached home late night.huh,sometime i think ,"what the hell man?i fucked my precious years,being an innocent guy and missed all that fun".
so here i'm, karan gupta, cactus, kanu, lazy ass, whatever u call.here i'm, turning 20 guy,but actually i dont know why but i'm nt liking this 20 effects.so god,if its possible give me some time wrap kind of stuff which will take me back to my age where i dont have to think so so much.
today i am feeling like sing out louder .....
"give me some sunshine, give me some rain, give another chance i wanna grow up once again..."
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